My dream world is out-of-date

I had the weirdest dream last night. (when you come to think of it, almost all of my dreams are weird.) Oddly enough, I had the exact dream a few years ago.

I was in a club. The song "Beautiful Girls" by Sean Kingston kept on playing....

....but with different lyrics.


My dream version went like this....

You way too stink for a girl.
You've never really had a bath.
Here's soap that's
germicidal,
germicidal....
(i can't remember the rest)

I was really laughing when I woke up.

Weird. and corny.

I miss the dance...

...the short but witty messages and the waiting in between.
...the subtle suggestions that would lead to spontaneous decisions.
...the lurch in the stomach before the furtive meet-ups.
...the exchange of glances in spite of proximity.
...the quasi-bargaining that always leads to a mutual decision.
...the bittersweet goodbyes.

Look on the brightside

I'm going through a very rough patch.

I may seem jolly at the surface but I've been carrying burden after burden.

Work has become exceptionally frustrating. I'm broke. I miss my family though they are disappointed with me. I am foolish enough to get my heart broken again. But the worst is that I'm being haunted by a long-forgotten memory.

When everything seems to be going wrong, you can sometimes see a glimmer of hope from the most unusual sources.

My sister is a big fan of international indie bands. She got really excited that We The Kings, The Maine and Never Shout Never are coming to Manila on February. Of the three, I'm not familiar with the music of Never Shout Never. So I searched for their music in Youtube. It turns out that Never Shout Never is a solo act. Af first, I found him intensely annoying. The songs are cheesy as hell and his voice sounds very whiny.

As I rummaged through his videos, I came across this gem -

I was really struck by this part of the song:

I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be
And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem
When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall
I'll look on the brightside - I'm roughly six feet tall.


Yes, unfortunate incidents have occurred. But it was up to me to wallow in self-pity or learn from my mistakes. I've been too absorbed with the negativity that I've neglected all the beautiful things that has happened to me this year.

Indeed, 2010 is such an amazingly crazy and wonderful year for me. Had my first real job in LB. I was asked to present my study in two international conferences. I was published in a Philippine Star. I fell in love. I met so many beautiful people. I fell out of love (a lot). Finally got a job in Makati. Moved to my own place in the city. Had the first taste of the worldly pleasure. Regularly having the fine taste of the worldly pleasure. Haha. Found a family in my new-found friends. Slowly shedding my fear of rejection. Finally starting to love myself.

Yes. Unfortunate events have happened. But they are part of what makes life beautiful. Without hurt, we will not revel in joy. Without pain, we will never fully appreciate pleasure. Without heartache, we will never treasure love. Acknowledge the hurt but embrace catharsis. Forgive but not forget. Truly let go.

Stop carrying the burdens of life on your back. Only then will you discover thatyou are indeed 6 feet tall. =D

Video love letter of a gay guy to his deaf boyfriend

This is sweet...

...and I love Relient K. =)

The sweetest turndown

It's usually in the dead of night that the most memorable conversations happen. Maybe it's because of alcohol or the grogginess that we tend to be more vulnerable. We cast away our inhibitions and shed a light on our true selves.

I haven't had a conversation this deep in a long time. A talk I had with a guy I fancied left me speechless, retrospective, and introspective. It came as a surprise because I've known him for less than a week. Here is a glimpse of a few things that he said to me:


Like I told you before, you are the type of person that leaves a mark. I really feel comfortable with you. We have a lot of things in common. I like talking with you. We really connect. I dunno. But I believe that we create an aura that attracts other people that are like us.

I also understand why there are people who easily fall in love with you. You are nice and sweet. Your first boyfriend will be so lucky because you'll love him with all your heart.

I also really appreciate your honesty. It's something so rare these days. I like that you are true to yourself. I admire you when you walked out in McDonalds. You are true to your emotions. I'm also like that, I can brutally frank.

So I want to say that I really value you as a person. I really value you as a friend. I'm sorry if ever led you on. But I really value friendships more that relationships. Friendships last. Relationships can end with a single fight. I can back off now if you want. But honestly, I don't. I really want to be friends with you.

You are a really great person. You just need to be comfortable in your own skin and appreciate who you are. That's the problem with people nowadays, they cannot see how great of a person they are."


I admit that I was really sad at the beginning. I couldn't process the fact that we really connect and he's really into me yet not in the way that I expected or even wanted.

Also, I've always belittled myself. I appreciate that he sees the value in me that I don't see. More than anything, this experience is a lesson of self-love. I am learning to love myself more.

I'm glad that he was honest. I'm glad that things have been labeled and defined. I'm really happy to have found a new great friend. =)







_________________________

This whole exercise in honesty reminded me of one of my favorite Relient K songs. =)

I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say

Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable

[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear

I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up

[Chorus]

And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)

Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking