What a catch

I've got troubled thoughts and the self-esteem to match. What a catch.

Panic! no more

I'm a huge fan of Panic! at the Disco. (Good music + Cute boys = Winner!) Well, I used to be.

More than a year after the ugly and controversial "break up", the boys are back with a new album. "Vices and Virtues" was released March 22 and is available in iTunes. The whole album can also be live streamed in their Facebook page here.

As I was listening to the whole album, I'm just disappointed. The songs have no charm at all. I do understand that the band is trying to go back to their old sound but they just fell flat. They are just trying too hard, even to the point that they are pretentious. As much as I want to rant now, I would be better to preserve them in an i'm-too-much-of-a-fanboy-it's-starting-to-get-freaky kind of post.

Anyway, "Sarah Smiles" is the only track that seemed to retain the charm of the old band. The accordion intro fits perfectly with the naive theme of the song, giving it a whimsical, playful, and care-free vibe. Here is the song:

And if you want to see how bad and pretentious the others are, here's the official video of "The Ballad of Mona Lisa".

I couldn't see when it was you and me...

I'm a fan of Hey Monday. There's just something so adorable about how raw Cassadee Pope sings. I know a lot of people find her annoying but I just love how delicate she sounds... You can feel her vulnerability in every word.

"Candles" is my favorite track since Hey Monday released the album "Hold on Tight" in 2008. Three years later, they finally released the song. Now, I just heard that Glee made a version of the song for Kurt and Darren Criss (dunno the character name). Anyway, I just want to post the original version before it becomes the new gay theme song. lol. :p

I personally prefer this acoustic version...


...over the full version.


Glee's version can be found here.

I'm taking my stand, I'm risking it all.

I really had a blast watching Tangled! Apart from the lovable chameleon Pascal and the horse-cum-dog Maximus, the movie had a lot of funny scenes. Others may remember the movie because of Rapunzel and Flynn's love story but what struck me the most was the tavern scene with the thugs and hooligans. In the scene, the characters were saying that though we are thugs, we have dreams too.

It got me thinking, what is my dream?

I thought about it for a while and I couldn't give a direct answer. I thought about my current work and I simply can't imagine myself staying in this field. Though I love research, I'm not particularly keen to business research. I do love doing research on ICTs and culture - something that I would want to pursue in the future.

Then I tried to recall the things that I've done that fired up my passion. Once, I dreamed to become a musician. Hello. Itigil ang ilusyon. Hahaha.

Three years ago, I did a couple of stints directing videos. I've made a couple of AVPs for YFC events in my community. I've also done a short film and a music video. The short film was a finalist for a filmfest in PWU while the music vid won best song for a Sulong CARHRIHL.

I would have wanted to hone the craft but I grew apart with my production team. But I do miss creating films. But the question is, should I pursue it?

Again, thanks to Purebliss for letting me create a video for Pilipinas. Thanks to all my friends/actors (naks!). And thanks to my production team. I love you guys. I miss our college shenanigans! Let's bring the old crew back together!

Here's the music vid that I directed:

Purebliss - Pilipinas from christian cangao on Vimeo.

Pilipinas
by Purebliss

When they all seem to stumble, am I alone?
United and divided standing we fall.
I'm taking my stand, I'm risking it all.

The hourglass has too small a hole
maybe I should just quit.
I'm drowsy debating with a wall.
I'm breaking out, I wanna fall.

I cannot hear you, I can't comprehend.
Back-off I am bent.
I'm taking my stand, I'm risking it all.

To see you, I hope is the end.
I'm all about lament.

Purebliss:
Ching Custodio - vocals
Juno Santos - rhythm guitar
Efren Peria - lead guitar
Coco Martinez/Darwin Talay - bass guitar
Benjo Ricarte - drums
Joseph Roble - kudyapi

Talents:
Sarah Salazar
Joshua Torres
Ian Manigbas

Crew:
Hiyas Luis
Rose Caraan
Roel Cruz
Karen Janiya
Kaye Pascual
Daryl Santos
Cyrus Fernandez
Anna Sabularse

Look on the brightside

I'm going through a very rough patch.

I may seem jolly at the surface but I've been carrying burden after burden.

Work has become exceptionally frustrating. I'm broke. I miss my family though they are disappointed with me. I am foolish enough to get my heart broken again. But the worst is that I'm being haunted by a long-forgotten memory.

When everything seems to be going wrong, you can sometimes see a glimmer of hope from the most unusual sources.

My sister is a big fan of international indie bands. She got really excited that We The Kings, The Maine and Never Shout Never are coming to Manila on February. Of the three, I'm not familiar with the music of Never Shout Never. So I searched for their music in Youtube. It turns out that Never Shout Never is a solo act. Af first, I found him intensely annoying. The songs are cheesy as hell and his voice sounds very whiny.

As I rummaged through his videos, I came across this gem -

I was really struck by this part of the song:

I'm only as tall as my heart will let me be
And I'm only as small as the world will make me seem
When the going gets rough and I feel like I may fall
I'll look on the brightside - I'm roughly six feet tall.


Yes, unfortunate incidents have occurred. But it was up to me to wallow in self-pity or learn from my mistakes. I've been too absorbed with the negativity that I've neglected all the beautiful things that has happened to me this year.

Indeed, 2010 is such an amazingly crazy and wonderful year for me. Had my first real job in LB. I was asked to present my study in two international conferences. I was published in a Philippine Star. I fell in love. I met so many beautiful people. I fell out of love (a lot). Finally got a job in Makati. Moved to my own place in the city. Had the first taste of the worldly pleasure. Regularly having the fine taste of the worldly pleasure. Haha. Found a family in my new-found friends. Slowly shedding my fear of rejection. Finally starting to love myself.

Yes. Unfortunate events have happened. But they are part of what makes life beautiful. Without hurt, we will not revel in joy. Without pain, we will never fully appreciate pleasure. Without heartache, we will never treasure love. Acknowledge the hurt but embrace catharsis. Forgive but not forget. Truly let go.

Stop carrying the burdens of life on your back. Only then will you discover thatyou are indeed 6 feet tall. =D

The sweetest turndown

It's usually in the dead of night that the most memorable conversations happen. Maybe it's because of alcohol or the grogginess that we tend to be more vulnerable. We cast away our inhibitions and shed a light on our true selves.

I haven't had a conversation this deep in a long time. A talk I had with a guy I fancied left me speechless, retrospective, and introspective. It came as a surprise because I've known him for less than a week. Here is a glimpse of a few things that he said to me:


Like I told you before, you are the type of person that leaves a mark. I really feel comfortable with you. We have a lot of things in common. I like talking with you. We really connect. I dunno. But I believe that we create an aura that attracts other people that are like us.

I also understand why there are people who easily fall in love with you. You are nice and sweet. Your first boyfriend will be so lucky because you'll love him with all your heart.

I also really appreciate your honesty. It's something so rare these days. I like that you are true to yourself. I admire you when you walked out in McDonalds. You are true to your emotions. I'm also like that, I can brutally frank.

So I want to say that I really value you as a person. I really value you as a friend. I'm sorry if ever led you on. But I really value friendships more that relationships. Friendships last. Relationships can end with a single fight. I can back off now if you want. But honestly, I don't. I really want to be friends with you.

You are a really great person. You just need to be comfortable in your own skin and appreciate who you are. That's the problem with people nowadays, they cannot see how great of a person they are."


I admit that I was really sad at the beginning. I couldn't process the fact that we really connect and he's really into me yet not in the way that I expected or even wanted.

Also, I've always belittled myself. I appreciate that he sees the value in me that I don't see. More than anything, this experience is a lesson of self-love. I am learning to love myself more.

I'm glad that he was honest. I'm glad that things have been labeled and defined. I'm really happy to have found a new great friend. =)







_________________________

This whole exercise in honesty reminded me of one of my favorite Relient K songs. =)

I'd better rest my eyes
'Cause I'm growing weary of
This point you've been trying to make
So rather than imply
Why don't you just verbalize
All the things that you're trying to say

Thought this would turn out so well
But I'm beginning to see
That instead it's trouble
Into a pattern we fell
Of prolonging the inevitable

[Chorus:]
Why don't you
Come right out and say it?
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth
Than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)?
What it is you're thinking
Though I'm thinking it's not what I wanna hear

I better check my pride
Because I was starting to think
I was on to something good
But things started to slide
And I sit here in retrospect
And understanding that I misunderstood
Thought I could make up your mind
And then this decision locks up
So tight it couldn't be touched
Thought you were being so kind
But keeping your mouth sealed shut
Rather than just opening it up

[Chorus]

And I tried
To guess what goes on in your head
'Cause in your mind
I just might find
All those things you left unsaid
And I'll try to maybe not regret anything
Later on after I'm gone
You'll wish that you
Had listened to me (listened to me)

Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are gonna hurt
We're better off this way
Why don't you
Come right out and say come right out and say
What I know you're thinking anyway
Why don't you
Come right out and say it
Even if the words are probably gonna hurt
I'd rather have the truth than something insincere
Why don't you
Come right out and say it (come right out and say it)
What it is you're thinking
And just what it is you're thinking

Will you wait for me?

...because I will wait for you.

Yes, I'll smoke your cigarette and hush

They were in Manila last Tuesday for a 4-hour layover. So that's why my spider sense was tingling.

'nuff said.

Scattered

I'm not really in the mood to blog. Will just update you on some recent life-changing events.

Just came home from Singapore after I presented my research paper. The academe received it well and some expressed interest in inviting me to work with them. Will be looking for the most appropriate university. A lot of stuff happened in Singapore. Will write a better blog about it. I just need to deconstruct the events. =)

Also, it looks like I'll be working as a technical writer and researcher for the Asian Institute of Management's Policy Center. Will negotiate the final terms tomorrow.

Finally, I am once again... heartbroken. Don't want to go into details. I'll be over it soon. But for this night, I want this song to speak for me:

Mayday Parade - The Last Something That Meant Anything

Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours
About things I couldn't say to you
And things that we could never do and,
This conversation has had no face
When the words take days you can re-write and erase anything

You know my heart
(so tell honestly do you ever really want this?)
Knows all these parts...

And I'll borrow words from all my favorite paragraphs
To write a ballad while we say the things
We'd hope would mean the most to me
And each line is sent
I have found in new pages of hope for the days
when I feel like I've lost everything

You know my heart (so tell me honestly do you ever really want this)
Knows all these parts (cause my jealous heart really can't take that)
So I'll sing this song for every word that's come out wrong
But, I'll be OK (Is that what you want me to say?)
It's called breakup
'Cause it's broken
And I'll be OK (is that what you want me to say?)
It's called breakup
'Cause it's broken

[chorus]
I'll be OK
Is that what you want me to say
It's called Breakup
'Cause it's broken
[x2]

I'll be OK, is that what you want me to say?
(It's called breakup) Cause it's broken
And you were just about to tell me
How you meant that you were sorry
And the lines we've said that
Never meant the world to you
Wrote me down lets keep it slow
Take every note and every page that takes you longer
The cherry flavored kisses
Well I taste them
Do you miss it?

I'll be OK
Is that what you want me to say
It's called Breakup
Cause it's broken
[x2]

Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours
About things I couldn't say to you
And things that we could never do

For the record, I DIDN'T breakup with anyone. Don't get any ideas.