/parallels/

He braves the halls of the indifferent -
this hopeless little gambler.
Lost in its great labyrinth,
he fumbles, tumbles, and crawls.

He braves the halls of the enchanted -
this hopeful little gambler.
Lost in its great labyrinth,
he fumbles, tumbles, and crawls.

Light abandons him without remorse,
shamed by his mortifying countenance.
He shrouds himself with the Darkness,
furiously wielding the blade of the forgotten.

Darkness engulfs him without remorse,
jealous of his sublime countenance.
He cloaks himself with the Light,
calmly wielding the blade of the chosen.

For hope is a deceptively cruel child -
sparking the grandest of flames,
yet flickering in the darkest of darkness;
forever dancing with life and death.

For hope is a tender and kind lover -
sparking the smallest of flames,
yet shining through the darkest of darkness;
forever nurturing the kindest of hearts.

Nothing but flesh

I've never been a fan of random casual encounters. While the thought evokes hot fantasies, I find it rather hollow with the sole purpose of quenching a primal thirst. I always look for a certain something that attracts me to that person. It can be the same musical interest, a like for nerdy things, or even the simple awkward conversational dance of discerning whether you like [to bone] each other or not.

My experience earlier this evening was quite odd, at least for me.

He messaged me in Grindr, a young hot Chinese guy from Singapore. He was on a short vacation with his family near my place. I dunno what attracted me to him the most - his awkward eagerness albeit the struggle to express himself in English, his adorable tampo that I forgot to save his number, or his boyish good looks. When he finally asked me out for dinner, I said yes. After all, all he wanted was to have dinner with me.

I went to a gas station near his place. I was waiting for a twinkish-looking Chinese guy but what arrived surprised me. His profile pic only framed his boyish face so I was expecting someone slender. His face was young-looking indeed, but he was about 3 inches taller me and his physic was muscular. His buff arms, broad shoulders, and firm pecs looked damn fine in that thin gray shirt.

I was aghast. My closest friends would know that I mumble around beautiful people.

He brought me to his restaurant of choice and we had dinner. I was trying to compose myself, trying to calm the giddiness I was feeling. I knew he was cute. I didn't expect him to be hot. I started the conversations with my casual charm. After all, charm and wit is always my weapon with choice. I know I'm not much of a looker, but I can charm my way into something I want.

The response, however, fell flat. He didn't talk much. He was restless, checking his phone from time to time and texting. He hardly looked at me and even checked his Grindr profile. I knew that the lack of English speaking skills wasn't the problem - he was showing that he didn't want to be there. At some point, I just silently ate and thought of the best way to exit gracefully.

We paid for our own meals separately and left the restaurant. I was hoping that he would give a lame excuse to leave, that way it would be easier to save face. That was the most awkward dinner I've had in my entire life.

He stood there looking at me, deep in thought. When I was about to give my excuse, he said: "We can't go to my house. My parents are there. Let's go somewhere else." He started walking around, looking for a nearby motel. I kept a small distance, perplexed. I thought it was going really badly, so what the hell is happening? Ok. Maybe he really just want a BJ or something and he'll just lie on the bed and let me do all the work.

We couldn't find a motel so he decided to take me to the mall. We went to the topmost bathroom and locked ourselves in a stall. We proceeded to fondle each other, with him taking the lead. As we were about to undress, the janitor shouted that the mall is about to close. We dressed up and went out.

This was over. He would finally realize that this was a mistake and leave. Instead, he led me to a taxi and we went to a hotel in the nearby town. We got to the motel. He took the lead aggressively and kept uttering how sexy I was. It was hot, sweaty, and utterly perplexing. When we were done, we went out and he insisted to pay for the room. We shared a taxi on the way home.

Charm has always been my strong suit. It feels odd that someone would find me attractive solely because of my looks.

Panic Attack

I grew up in a family of neat-freaks. Everyday, my two aunts meticulously clean every nook and cranny of the house. One of them gladly added cleaning the bathroom every 4am to her morning ritual. Once she gets home in the evening from work, she cooks then scrubs the kitchen tiles and counters until they are spotless (to the point that they perpetually smell of Domex). My other aunt is no exception. Every afternoon, she would sweep and mop the living room, the dining room, my room (hehe), and even the terrace. She would also tirelessly clean up our messes, scolding us in the process. In short, I am used to living in a very tidy house.

I can also be a neat-freak. However, I usually let the mess accumulate a little then I would do an all-out clean-up drive. I am especially particular with two parts of the house: the bathroom and the kitchen. The bathroom is sacred to me. Not only is it a place to cleanse the physical body, it is also where I cleanse my mind from the unnecessary pressures of real life. Most of my brightest ideas come up when I'm thinking in the bathroom. Heck, even Archimedes shouted "Eureka!" after stepping into a bathtub (or an ancient version of it). The kitchen is equally important. I love food and I love cooking so I ensure that the food I serve is not only delicious but safe.

This afternoon, our driver brought me to the apartment that the company found for me. It was my boss' old apartment. It's quite spacious: 4 small bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, a living room, and two small balconies. All of these for the price of RM450 (PHP 6260). It's really quite cheap, especially since most flats of this size would cost around RM700-RM1000. They even said that I can sublet it. Most rooms would cost RM200-RM300 per month. If I can get others to rent, I can easily earn RM600-RM900 per month.

Such size can be an investment. However, it's worse than an unfurnished apartment - it's a dump. After my boss moved, the flat was rented by several engineering students.

When I got there, it seemed that the place has been abandoned for months. The floors are dirty and littered with hair. It seems like the past owners need a milder shampoo. In the living room, only a broken end table and a rattan couch are usable. However, the cushions are too old and dusty to be of any use. I can probably try to wash and salvage them, but I would be better off buying new ones. Here's what the living room looked like after I cleaned the floors:



They even dumped all of their old and dirty stuff in this room:


The kitchen, or what's left of it, was even worse. The grime on that metal counter is so thick, I wouldn't want to put food on it even after bathing it multiple times with clorox. Honestly, it's in a state where it should just be replaced instead of cleaned.


The same goes for the bathroom. The tiles are lined with dried mold and mildew. The toilet, shower, and sink aren't working. Moreover, there are no usable appliances. I would have to buy everything from scratch.

The absolute worst of the lot is the presence of a certain pet tank. At first, I thought it was a normal aquarium. Apparently, it was home to a 7-inch snake. When we got there, this was the state of the tank:


We asked the landlady if the snake has died. Having pity for the creature, she looked after it. According to her, the snake was very much alive the last time she fed it - which was last week. The question is, where is the snake now?

I tried my best to clean the place with the limited resources that I have. But the thought of sleeping there chilled my very soul. The thought of dust, grime, and snakes slowly gave me a panic attack. I hurriedly took a few clothes, locked the rest of my stuff in the room, and went out of the flat.

So friends, dear fellow bloggers, do you think I should keep the flat? I wouldn't mind investing, but I wouldn't live in here at this current state. If I had a few days to clean it up, buy some furniture and small appliances, and look for that damn snake, I can probably transform it into something livable. But is it worth the stress, the labor, and most especially the upkeep? How long will it take to make the other rooms enticing to promising renters? Or should I just seek for a semi-furnished/furnished room that would save me from all the hassle?

I'm really confused if I should keep it or not. But for now, I'm searching for rooms around the area, comfortable at the thought that I'll be sleeping in a hotel tonight.

Day One

You might not be aware (and sorry if I didn't inform you Mr. Lao) but I've decided to move to Malaysia to work with the International Tropical Fruit Network of the Food and Agriculture Organization of the United Nations. Yes, fruits.

Here are some of my random thoughts for the day.

* The Philippine Government's protocols on OFWs and Expats aren't very clear. I was at a loss on what documents I need and which agencies to approach. I checked the website of OWWA and POEA and didn't find them useful. There were not clear guidelines on what to do. I asked repatriated expats for advice and said that my current documents are enough. When I got to airport immigration in NAIA, they were suddenly asking me for an Overseas Employment Certificate (OEC) from POEA. I would have to go to Ortigas and apply for a moot document that might take days to process. I stood my ground and the immigration officer asked me to go to the POEA desk. After an inquiry, it turns out that the OEC is a requirement for skilled labor. The government should really make clear cut guidelines and definitions on what requirements are needed for OFWs and Expats. Furthermore, these guidelines should be transparent and available in their websites. All these back and forth wastes time and money. When I got to Malaysian immigration, they let me through without a hitch.

* The Kuala Lumpur International Airport quite unique. While located in the heart of a protected forest and palm oil plantation, its architecture is modern. The whole place feels like a space-age biodome facility.

* I still can't believe that they provided me with my own office. It's pretty spacious! The walls need some decorating and they gave me the freedom to do whatever would make me more comfortable. Here's a tour!

* It's strange that there's almost no means of public transportation. Trains can only get you somewhere. There are hardly any buses around. Taxis are also pretty rare. I talked with my co-worker and it seems that most people own a car. All my co-workers drive to work in their own car. There's no means of public transpo to the office. Hence, they've provided me with a driver (and the company car) until I get my own ride. Uhm, kelan kaya yun?

*Since most people own a car, hardly anyone walks. It was eerie that I was the only one walking in the streets. I suddenly feel so poor. lol.

* I'm starting to become an expert in multiplying everything by 14. I know that you shouldn't mentally convert to peso every time you make a purchase. This time, I can't help it. Everything in Malaysia is at least 30% cheaper than Philippine prices. Food is really affordable. Clothes are also cheaper. I should have shopped here.

* Malaysians are some of the friendliest people I've met. Locals greeted me with a smile. During dinner, a stranger kindly moved a few chairs so I can pass through with my tray.

* I need to learn Bahasa. I get mistaken for a local. Or Thai.

* An open fly is funny in all cultures. A kid pointed at my crotch and laughed. I nearly cursed him to become an open fly when he grows up.

* For a country with huge coins (that are still usable, unlike yung baryang may butas), it's hard to find a coin purse. All I found was this teeny bopper coin purse.

* I'm in love with wintermelon tea and milo dinosaur. =D

* I still don't have an apartment so I'll be staying in a hotel for a few days. That's great. I'm not that excited to unpack yet.

Aliens, Murderers, and Royce Chocolates

Just woke up from this dream. When I was in college, my dreams used to be this vivid. It's been years since I had anything like this. I decided to write it down as soon as I woke up, carefully remembering the details before it fleets from memory. Can someone please interpret it?

Here it goes:

I was traveling with a buddy. We were going to a resort in the mountains. To get there, we Had to walk for more than an hour. Halfway through, we reached a lookout overlooking the resort. A river separated it from the mountain resort. We passed by it and walked through valleys and 7 hills, all along a river. When we got to the resort we saw a huge swimming pool. Everyone in the pool were my high school batchmates. I stripped and swam. The water was warm. 

Suddenly, I was in a facility built for technology research. There were huge machinery and massive cylindrical containers. People were busy going about their work. I was given a tour. There was a helicopter delivering something. I went there and saw a demonstration. A man was whispering to a helicopter toy, the size of a small model. He then kissed it then placed it in front of his crotch as if it was giving him a blowjob. Then he turned it on. The small chopper flew, and as it stayed mid-air, the propeller transformed into gray tentacles. Smaller black tentacles grew from the roof of the chopper. Then suddenly, the chopper spoke. This was not a toy helicopter, this was an alien life form! Taken aback, I left the demo. 

Exhausted, I went to one room and sat down. In front of me, two others were sitting in the different rows of chairs. Once I sat down, I felt a dizzying sensation an I couldn't move. Suddenly, machines started to operate, trying to seal us in a cylindrical container. I was Conscious about what's happening but I couldn't move. Someone called out and said that there are people there. "Let them out first." 

I got up and started walking away with a friend. We were talking about joining "the event". I wanted to but he was hesitant. He's had enough of nearly being sealed shut. I was trying to coerce him but failed. I went on to the venue of "the event".

The venue was our old house in San Antonio. I was waiting for "the event" to start. Can't remember exactly what the evebt was. All I recall was I felt tremendous fear, so did everyone else. It was gut-wrenching fear, like we were in mortal danger. I wanted to get out. Friend doesn't want to join because of fear. He had enough with what happened in the research facility. It starts at 10pm. It's just 6 pm. Was talking with other participants. They were scared but would wait. I left out of fear. 

I came to a school. There were a lot of rooms. People were also there for "the event". Apparently a murderer would come to kill everyone, or someone. Anxious, I was holding a book. Friend came in and shouted that people named "Jackson" will be among the dead. The time came and a black girl stabbed someone with a knife. Aliens were starting to materialize. Before they did, I shouted: "explode!". And all the killers and the aliens were caught on fire and exploded. We ran out and rejoiced that I defeated the enemies. 

After the victory, we were talking about Royce chocolates and I wanted one. I went to greenbelt and grabbed 2 different flavors and ate. I was looking at the name of the store. It wasn't Royce. I realized that the clerks didn't notice I was eating. I was thinking of not paying. Conscience got the better of me.  I just showed my half-eaten piece and paid 33 pesos for it. A friend came and had a chat. 

I decided to go back to the resort. I would go there and my friend would catch up. When I reached the lookout, I asked if the river is deep. I didn't want to go all the way through the hills to go back to the resort. She said that the water is shallow but the current is fast. I saw students in white high school uniform wade with the current, not to cross the river, but to go downstream. They were diving at the deep parts. I prepared to cross the river. They gave me a plastic water protection case so my phone wouldn't get wet. I started walking towards the river. 

Either I woke up or I couldn't remember the rest.