Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Phoenix Arises

Even the legendary bird of fire, with all its majesty and blazing glory, comes to an inevitable moment of passing. As it sheds its current form, the flames purge the creature of its shell. Out of the ashes, it is born anew.

Enough of the drama! Hahaha. I just want to say thanks for all the blessings I've received recently. I've been focusing too much on the crappy side of life (heartbreaks and heart-breakers) that I've lost sight of all the great things that have been happening. Seeing the bigger picture makes me realize how blessed I am. Enough of the emo phase. Enough of the drama. Life is good. =)

I just want to mention my blessings in this entry. I feel that giving them form makes my appreciation more tangible. (at least in the cyber world) And by giving it form, it would be a first step in not taking things for granted.

First off, I'm blessed to have a new job! I'll be working for the Asian Institute of Management's Policy Center (APC). I'll be with the Doing Business project and my work will focus on technical writing and research. It sounds boring but I'm pretty excited to write for each city and somehow make their voice heard. I am just thankful that APC believes in my talent.

Next, I just want to thank Mam Pam Custodio and Mam Tattie Osalla for being great academic advisers. Their guidance helped my undergraduate research evolve to what it is now. Without their help, I wouldn't have been able to present my study to two international conferences outside the country. Thanks for believing in me and pushing me to be the best that I can be.

To all my newly found friends, I love you all. Thanks for being with me in this journey. Sorry for all the whiny shit I've dumped on you. Thanks for understanding my difficulties. I'm looking forward to ages of good vibes with you. I'd rather not mention names. Baka may magselos na hindi mabanggit. Haha! Pero you know who you are. For my old friends, thanks for sticking with me.

And my family, you are awesome. I will have big news. It will rock your world. Just wait for it. =)

I am in love with life. =)

BTW, I might be moving to Mandaluyong in a few weeks. Since I'd probably be alone in the condo, I want to occupy myself with a productive hobby. This blog will record my project's journey. I don't want to announce it yet but once I made the first post, I will do the much needed revamp of the blog. Coz I got to admit. The layout sucks. Haha.

Cheers! You'll hear from me soon!

Monday, June 28, 2010


I'm not really in the mood to blog. Will just update you on some recent life-changing events.

Just came home from Singapore after I presented my research paper. The academe received it well and some expressed interest in inviting me to work with them. Will be looking for the most appropriate university. A lot of stuff happened in Singapore. Will write a better blog about it. I just need to deconstruct the events. =)

Also, it looks like I'll be working as a technical writer and researcher for the Asian Institute of Management's Policy Center. Will negotiate the final terms tomorrow.

Finally, I am once again... heartbroken. Don't want to go into details. I'll be over it soon. But for this night, I want this song to speak for me:

Mayday Parade - The Last Something That Meant Anything

Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours

About things I couldn't say to you

And things that we could never do and,

This conversation has had no face

When the words take days you can re-write and erase anything

You know my heart
(so tell honestly do you ever really want this?)
Knows all these parts...

And I'll borrow words from all my favorite paragraphs

To write a ballad while we say the things

We'd hope would mean the most to me

And each line is sent

I have found in new pages of hope for the days
when I feel like I've lost everything

You know my heart (so tell me honestly do you ever really want this)

Knows all these parts (cause my jealous heart really can't take that)

So I'll sing this song for every word that's come out wrong

But, I'll be OK (Is that what you want me to say?)

It's called breakup

'Cause it's broken

And I'll be OK (is that what you want me to say?)

It's called breakup

'Cause it's broken


I'll be OK

Is that what you want me to say

It's called Breakup

'Cause it's broken


I'll be OK, is that what you want me to say?

(It's called breakup) Cause it's broken

And you were just about to tell me

How you meant that you were sorry

And the lines we've said that

Never meant the world to you

Wrote me down lets keep it slow
Take every note and every page that takes you longer

The cherry flavored kisses

Well I taste them

Do you miss it?

I'll be OK

Is that what you want me to say

It's called Breakup

Cause it's broken


Well I thought that we could sit around and, talk for hours

About things I couldn't say to you

And things that we could never do

For the record, I DIDN'T breakup with anyone. Don't get any ideas.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Pleasure and Plantsadora

June 15, 2010. 3:06pm. I am horny.

I just woke up from a nap. Frustrated by the hogwash sentences and superficial discussions, I opted to take a break from thesis editing.

Signed in to Twitter. Everyone's talking about the world cup.

Signed in to Facebook. No one interesting to chat with.

Without a hint remorse, my playful hands wandered to a blog of even more playful sorts.

Asian? No.

American? No.

European? No.

Nerdy? Oh hell yes!

As I the download finished, I immersed in a tale of the nerdy secretary and the manipulative boss. As the lovers kiss, I slowly rub my hands up and down my chest. Shirts come off. So did mine. I caress my thighs. The afternoon sun did nothing but intensify the heat that swells and pulses through my skin. As they slowly go down, I fondled my throbbing manhood. I pulled down my boxers. The lovers' moan in ecstasy satiated our living room in its full joyous wonder. Breaths got heavier. Moans got louder. Everything got faster and faster and faster and wonderful and magnificent and sensational and and awesome and brilliant and ecstatic and and and and and and...

..and in perfect harmony the three of us exploded in all of its beauty.

I got up and washed myself. I put my clothes back on and proceeded with the editing.

The phone rings. My aunt reminds me to give Manang Plantsadora some merienda. I told her that she didn't come. Must have forgot, I guess.

I got up and started making a cheese panini. As I was reaching for the bread, I heard a voice from outside of the window. There she was, Manang Plantsadora, asking for a glass of cold water. She's thirsty from ironing all of our clothes - all FIVE PILES of them.

I fetched a glass of cold water. I gave it to her and she smiled. Manang Plantsadora NEVER smiles. This was the first time she smiled at me.

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Goodbye Ed and Al. I will miss you.

I admit I feel a bit sad that Fullmetal Alchemist finally ended. I started following the story about 2004 and religiously followed the anime and manga until its end this June. Though I feel sad that the story finally ended, I am happy to have experienced it in full glory. And what an apt ending! This is truly one of the best written anime... heck, on of the best stories created.

There are so many things to love about the series. On the surface, the story, the characters, and the action can easily appeal with the young audience. But what I love about it is the depth of the characters - something that a lot of animes lack. The roots of the story also revolves around alchemy and its philosophies. The foremost is alchemy's law of equivalent exchange, which states that "humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost."

But what I adore about the story is the relationship between the main character Edward and his brother Alphonse. The unconditional brotherly love is just inspiring. As kids, they were solely raised by their mum when their father abandoned them. When their mum died, the kids were forced to use human alchemy that promises to bring their mum back to life. Sadly, the law of equivalent exchange requires an offering of the same value. Thus, the gate of alchemy took Alphonse as a sacrifice. Edward tried to save his brother and the gate severed his right hand and left foot in the process. As the gate waned, the boys failed to revive their mother and created an abomination. Fearing that he'll lose Alphonse, Edward bound his brother's soul to a medieval armor. To replace the lost limbs, Edward's childhood sweetheart equipped him with a metal arm and a metal leg. In the aftermath, Edward vowed to train their alchemy and bring their bodies back.

As the story progressed, their brotherly love was tested but they kept their faith.
I don't want to go into details because too much stuff happened in the course of the story.

But I do want to say that they are very well-written foil characters. Edward is talented but arrogant, brash, and ill-mannered. As the older brother, he feels responsible for their misfortune and strives to achieve his goals. However, his meager short frame makes him seem like the younger brother. Meanwhile, armor-bound Alphonse is towering when standing next to his brother. He is mild-mannered, soft-spoken, and wiser than Edward. People often mistake him as the older one.

Fullmetal Alchemist had a lot more action packed, exciting, and thought provoking characters and storylines. But I personally believe that the brothers shine above the rest.

Chismis: Since I am talking about endings, I wanna share something. I've been interacting with someone for a little more than 8 weeks now. Today was the first 24 hours since that eight weeks that we didn't interact in any way. I'm not really sad or happy about it. And it's not really an ending. The daily talk just ended today. I'm just saying. Well, carry on. =) And yes, I purposely wrote this in fine print. Haha.

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Yes, I used to be in TV.

One by one, out of the bus we were gone.
I skipped down the stairs with my little feet, anxiously chatting with anyone I meet.
There it was, foreboding but magnificent - the building where happiness is evident.
I got my little blue ticket, and put it in my pocket.
As we all seated at the big hall, the lights brightened up the wall.
Men and women scampered about, doing their business no doubt.
Then a kind-looking lady came and asked, "Hey kid, wanna be part of the cast?"

I asked, "Mam, what will I do?". She said, "Smile and hold this shampoo!"

So then they sang, about cleanliness and bang!
I was suddenly in Batibot, the kid named Chanot.

Believe me, I tried to look for footage of the said episode but to no avail! I remember that we had a Betamax copy of it but the film was eaten by mold. All I have was a picture of me in the bus. (Yes. I am well aware that doesn't prove anything.)

And since I posted a baby pic, let's keep 'em coming!


(i love and miss my lola!)

(see? the hat obsession started young.)

(you can't be any groovier than that! my mom thinks so!)

(me and my dad in our ancestral home)

(I don't want a picture! I wanna ride the bike.)

(I was upset that it wouldn't move. I got MORE upset when it did.)

(Looking like a fool with the pants on the ground!
Me and Tita S)

(Me and Tita A.
And no, not all of my aunt's names are single letters.)

(LOL. What the hell am I doing?
That's Tita D, btw.)

(I wonder where that hat is now? hmm...)

(Hahahahahaha! Kaya pala.)

(Got a problem with me?)

(My cousins! The white chair says it all.)

(Back in the day, I was a male escort.)

(How you say no to that face? loljk.)

If anyone can ask Kuya Bodjie about the episode, lemme know! =)

♫♪ Pagmulat ng mata, diretso sa kubeta. Mag-Baaaaa ♪♫

Monday, June 7, 2010

Beginnings and Cycles

I never liked introductions.

As much as I try to fake bravado when I meet new people, the fidgety little boy inside me is screaming: "Oh crap! Did I say that right? Why is he staring at me? Do I have something on my teeth? Ok, he made a joke. It's not even funny. Do I laugh? Hahahahahaha! That was too much."

Though it pains me to admit it, first impressions can be a sham. To impress someone, people usually put up a front - they dress up, act with class, and banter with wit. Some like to boast about their jobs, skills, and exploits that create a picture of their ideal self. Yet these constructs can be nothing but a wall. They are lavish shells not only built to impress but to protect the fragile creature inside.

So instead of creating a superficial shell that will tell who I am, what I do, or what I intend this blog to become, I want to share what I realized earlier - I live my life in cycles of 3 general phases. Even though I'd like to think that live in the moment, I have become a slave to patterns.

The first phase is the awesome, hard-working, super-achieving Chanot phase. I do not like to brag but I have experienced that you can indeed succeed when you strive hard for something that you want. Topping my high school entrance exam. Recognition for a low-budget short film I directed as a stint. Receiving the best research award and presenting in two international conferences in Singapore. Working hard pays off.

Sadly, the second phase is the coasting on the success of the
awesome, hard-working, super-achieving Chanot phase. Once the passion and the fire comes to fruition, I often tend to relax and take it easy. Disinterest becomes the better of me and I easily get bored. I try to rekindle my passion, but usually to no avail.

The last phase is the I hate myself existential rut phase. Here, I self-loathe. I transform into a whiny emo kid that blames every mishap on himself. Though I'm glad to have grown out of self-destructiveness. To get out of the rut, I look for other avenues of enthusiasm. Change has always been my MO.

But until when can I keep this up? I cannot always just leave something and pursue a new short-lived passion. I am growing older and I need stability. I need to take my quest of self-actualization to a new stage. No more crazy schemes. I need to tone down living in the present and focus on the future. How do I see myself and how can I achieve this? I've tasted my different passions. Now, which one should I choose?

I just hope that I can be finally consistent in my go-getter phase.